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- The Challenge of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships
common conflict-avoidance patterns:
* Procrastination: Thinking “I’ll address this later” but then keep putting it off.
* Denial: “She thinks I have a drinking problem, but I don’t, so let’s just drop it” or “we don’t need a therapist, we can solve our problems ourselves.”
* Getting angry and escalating emotions: Overreacting becomes the focus rather than the core issue, such as decreased sexual desire, co-parenting differences, chores around the house, etc.
* Joking and diversion: Making light or using sarcasm: “I bet you want to have one of those ‘feeling’ talks.”
* Working too much: Is a very common way to avoid having time for meaningful discussion.
* Walking out: Disagreement is uncomfortable, and walking away is an easy tactic to avoid discomfort and frustration
🧜🏻♀️Skills for coping with conflict
Step 1: Get in touch with your thoughts and feelings
Invest time to discover what you’re feeling and to discern the message you want to deliver.
Step 2: Contain your feelings
Don’t get distracted by a tearful or highly emotional partner, and contain your own emotions when listening to your partner’s side
Step 3: Investigate your partner’s side of the issue
Many people become stuck trying to defend their side of the story and don’t listen to their partner. Overcome this by taking time to ask questions of your partner, mirroring their thoughts and feelings by repeating what they said. 👽Some suggestions/examples to better understand their feelings / their side : * How long have you been feeling this way?
* Are you aware of any other feelings besides anger?
* Many people feel more comfortable expressing anger, when at a deeper level they are actually hurt or scared.
* What does it mean to you when I want to do things with my friends?
You can make your relationship truly amazing by ending conflict avoidance and practicing positive conflict resolution skills. Just remember 1st , 2nd, 3rd step and repeat. 🐚Remember it’s you and your partner against the problem. Not you against your partner. 👽 🧜🏻♀️ #thealienmermaid #yourvoicematters #findyourvoice
7 minutes ago