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    I tried my best and I hope it was better. It’s so difficult to not let myself sink back into a failure’s mindset when I came back to ballet again. I used to have a dream like other girls who do ballet. I wanted to be beautiful in that tutu ..in those shoes. I wanted to be perfect, to be skinny, to have perfect turnout and nice feet, to have lean arms, to have long legs, to be a ballerina! It was painful you know. 
It took me years to accept myself, my line, my body - the way I dance. Along the journey of getting to know my ’dance’ self, without knowing when, I forgot about that dream and I started enjoying dancing more. Like I free up something inside and get that connection connected. Now when I dance I feel It is full of messages inside and I can’t help but dancing it out. And I have completely forgotten about being a ballerina. 
I’m not too sure about my feelings towards ballet anymore. I don’t mind doing it. It’s still like my home base. I like taking class. I do it to feel and fulfill the body, but not to fulfill what it requires from me. 
Well, this time is different. I’m not asking a lot from myself in ballet anymore, but the audience will look for that ‘perfection’ of ballet. I don’t know I am now more stressed or enjoy. Maybe both. 😂 
So I have to keep trying still. Life threw this challenge to me, and I accepted. 
#reballet #ballet #dancer #dancelife #blackandwhite #dancejournal

    I tried my best and I hope it was better. It’s so difficult to not let myself sink back into a failure’s mindset when I came back to ballet again. I used to have a dream like other girls who do ballet. I wanted to be beautiful in that tutu ..in those shoes. I wanted to be perfect, to be skinny, to have perfect turnout and nice feet, to have lean arms, to have long legs, to be a ballerina! It was painful you know.
    It took me years to accept myself, my line, my body - the way I dance. Along the journey of getting to know my ’dance’ self, without knowing when, I forgot about that dream and I started enjoying dancing more. Like I free up something inside and get that connection connected. Now when I dance I feel It is full of messages inside and I can’t help but dancing it out. And I have completely forgotten about being a ballerina.
    I’m not too sure about my feelings towards ballet anymore. I don’t mind doing it. It’s still like my home base. I like taking class. I do it to feel and fulfill the body, but not to fulfill what it requires from me.
    Well, this time is different. I’m not asking a lot from myself in ballet anymore, but the audience will look for that ‘perfection’ of ballet. I don’t know I am now more stressed or enjoy. Maybe both. 😂
    So I have to keep trying still. Life threw this challenge to me, and I accepted.
    #reballet #ballet #dancer #dancelife #blackandwhite #dancejournal

    42 6 31 October, 2018

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